Confused

I  don't recall a time when my mother wasn't by my side
Now she's gone to be with god ,I can't explain it she was my better half. My heart feels torn  like rose peddles ,I didn't think we were going to loose her, I  want her to be here with us it's her  time for  her to have a little peace I will always love and miss you mom your  forever missed...I don't know if I can do this for my soul I will believe because if I don't then it will be bad